


To Hermione Granger, A Magazine, From Rowena Ravenclaw

by generalzero



Series: Help Will Always Be Given [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ficlet, First Date, Gen, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Hogwarts House Sorting, Muggleborn problems, One Shot, Teenager Problems, Triwizard Tournament, Yule Ball, everyone has a bit of all the houses in them, fashion - Freeform, inspired by the bullshit sword of gryffindor out of the sorting hat business, nod to the meta, obsessive sorting culture is divisive my dudes, wixen culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 17:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14110188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalzero/pseuds/generalzero
Summary: Hermione Granger has never been on a date before, and she doesn't know how to prepare for her first one with Viktor Krum of all people. Her mum only has advice on muggle dating, and Lavender and Pavarti would tease her if she asked them for help. What can she do?Obviously, go to the library.(or)The four Founders of Hogwarts were by no means the greatest or most powerful wixen ever known, but on Hogwarts grounds and over Hogwarts students, their influence is sacrosanct. Whether through the magic of the Sorting Hat and the castle itself, or some other cunning, mysterious means of reaching through time, help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.





	To Hermione Granger, A Magazine, From Rowena Ravenclaw

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by:
> 
> 1) my frustration with obsessive sorting culture in fandom  
> 2) Rowling's generally lazy exploitation of the sorting mechanic in canon  
> 3) the thing where only a true gryffindor can pull godric's sword out of the sorting hat i low key detest this
> 
> Warnings: canon typical violence and language, heed the tags

The girl is something of a puzzle to Rowena. Her voracious love of knowledge, her diligence in her studies, her organized mind and discerning wit… all traits that should have landed her in Rowena's house and not in Godric's. She is truly a spectacular young witch, and it grates on Rowena slightly to hear the accolade "brightest witch of her age" applied to someone outside of Ravenclaw House. Still, Rowena isn't jealous, that would be ridiculous. She's just curious as to why the Hat stubbornly maintains that Hermione Granger does not belong in Ravenclaw.

So Rowena watches and takes notes. The question hinges on several complex theoretical issues. For example: on what basis does the Sorting Hat make its decisions? On the qualities students exhibit? Those they value? Or perhaps the Hat places students in a manner designed to improve their weaker qualities, in a bid at producing balanced individuals? Or does the Hat simply place students where they will be happiest?

What, in essence, is a true student of Ravenclaw? That is the question that must be answered before Rowena can determine why young Hermione Granger is not one.

After several years of investigation, the puzzle solves itself.

Hogwarts is hosting the Tri-wizard Tournament, and the Yule Ball is fast approaching. Young Granger is apparently beside herself with anxiety, not because she lacks a date, but because she has one—and she has no idea how to prepare for it. The poor girl has even gone looking at out-dated etiquette books in the library, but none of them could answer the very basic questions she has as a muggleborn: how do wixen dress for special occasions? Do their hair? Apply makeup? Where do they buy the required supplies for such activities?

Rowena pauses in her note-taking, remembering what it was like to be fourteen. Times have changed, of course, but social anxiety is a malady that strikes regardless of the century. She doesn't like to interfere with current events as much as her colleagues do, but surely it wouldn't hurt to help the poor child out?

Hermione Granger suddenly catches sight of a flashy wixen fashion magazine—Best Beauty Products of the Year edition—laying incongruously on a dusty shelf that was empty just seconds before. She flips through it like a niffler after gold. In no time at all she is noting prices on a slip of parchment and checking the catalog page for details on placing an order. She leaves for the owlery with such focus that she neglects her usual habit of returning unused to texts to their shelves.

It is then that Rowena realizes why Hermione Granger is not in Ravenclaw, and closes her four-year investigation. Hermione Granger may well be the brightest witch of her age, but she did not spare a thought to wondering at the magazine's fortuitous appearance—a puzzle that really should have caught her attention.

No true Ravenclaw, Rowena knows, can resist a puzzle.


End file.
